she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
