Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
