She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
