i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize