SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dignity is for republicans.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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