____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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