i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
