It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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