I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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