It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
