I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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