My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
