I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
