I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Girls should come with a carfax report
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize