Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
