Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize