she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
