There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
