Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
