Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
