you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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