Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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