So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
