Pappa wants mamma naked
she smelled like a LAN party
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
