her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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