Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
