Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
