i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
