just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
