Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
