You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
