this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize