alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How external is "for external use only"?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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