you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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