I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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