I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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