ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
