1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
