he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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