Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
