my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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