I'd wear matching sweaters with you
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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