good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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