I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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