If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
