i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize