yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
