pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
