forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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