Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
