Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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