just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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