just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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