I can text with my tongue
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
