New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
