Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
