remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
