if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
