Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
