If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
