wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
