Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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