there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
