Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
