Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
