i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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