oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
