Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
