I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
