Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
