Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i out mim tonsoeep
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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