I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
