well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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