I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
