I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize