I will die if light touches me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
