P.S. I can't hear my feet
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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