he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
