remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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