Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
birth control should be required to get into college
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So squirting runs in the family.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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