Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
