There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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