By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
