It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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