Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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