i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
