Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
