I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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