do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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