After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
