Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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