I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
