There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
