dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize