so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
