Already got asked if we're dating
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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