Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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