Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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